Today I went through with a big decision I've been praying about for a while. After talking to the first doctor I saw yesterday, I knew it was time. That is the third time I have had a doctor ask me if I were being honest with myself, the third time they've asked me if I were physically able..truly..to do my job. If I was pushing myself too hard, as well as accepting too much stress in my life.
Today, I officially let management know I'm stepping down from my position at Kroger for health reasons. I can't keep pushing myself this way..physically or stress wise. I've known that for a long time but was trying to tough it out. Sometimes though? Being tough is overrated.
Where is the line between being tough and being irresponsible? Between toughing it out and trying to prove a point to yourself? I've crossed it along the way.
I've always prided myself on being tough. I am one of the hardest workers you know. Need me to help you move? To do anything for charity at all? To take care of all 9 kids? I'm there. I am the energizer bunny..my record at work was once working 5am on Monday until 8:30 on Tuesday with just a lunch and a couple of breaks. I have gone more than 3 months with a day off several times. I deal with fibromyalgia with no pain meds. I deal with chronic fatigue syndrome and diabetes every day. I have endured physical and long term emotional abuse and made it through. I have lost nearly everything and not lost hope.
I AM WHAT A TOUGH GIRL LOOKS LIKE.
But here is a confession for you. That girl is not so tough. She still hurts, she still cries herself to sleep at night.
She still soaks her pain filled body in bubble baths,takes more naps than she admits, and drowns her sorrows in milkshakes and popcorn. She still needs hugs - all the time. She needs help with the housework, and someone else to worry for a little while. She needs encouragement, and prayers. She needs a doctor that understands, and friends who understand more.
She still cries out to God "How will I make it through?" She still kneels at the Cross and admits "I need You"
She needs more than she admits, that one thing is certain.
What's even more true? She doesn't know how to stop being so tough, doesn't know how to just say thank you and accept your help. How to stop faking toughness and know when to step back. To know when to step down.
She is trying to do it all, be it all..for everyone that needs her, and everyone who expects things from her, and especially for everyone who loves her.
But the line has blurred and being tough is more than overrated...it is more than she can be right now.
But the line has blurred and being tough is more than overrated...it is more than she can be right now.
The tough girl is putting her supermommi wannabe cape aside, and trying on the humble blankie instead. Relying on prayers and faith instead of herself. This is a new journey….. And it started today.
Take the time to heal yourself. I am sorry life has affected you this way, but know that it is truly all for a reason.
ReplyDeleteI saw on facebook something that said " Theres a reason why the heart breaks. Its so the right person can put it back together". Although this is talking about love, it reminds me of what you are going through. It does, and will get better. Maybe God has another plan for you job-wise. You stepping down is like a heartbreak, it has to happen for God to change you life, for the better. God wants and needs you to feel better. :o) I think you should feel proud of your decision:) Be confident. You did the right thing. Focusing on YOUR needs will do wonders for your health.
~Sally