Bobcats are not pets. I repeat Bobcats are not pets.
You know that being suspended goes on your PERMANENT RECORD right? Yes, even "In-School Suspensions". I'm sorry, are you kidding? Ummm no. Just no. Governor Bevins is not going to expunge your record and no, you may not ask him. Bernie Sanders can't help you either. Deal.
It's just that my mamas heart wants to hug him while my hand is smacking him upside the head.
You don't understand what? Why adults would have to have sex if they already have kids? God created it to be a pleasurable thing between a man and wife. Gross? What do you mean gross? What do you mean "Why did I you tell me that?" You asked me a question. I answered it! Shoo!
Today I got emails from 4 teachers and a phone call from the dean. Who wants to see mommy's head spin around and pop off? That's what stress does. No, they were not saying hello and that they missed me. They talk to me every week! They don't have time to miss me. The dean should NOT have my number memorized, by the way, but he does.
Why are all of my towels out in the driveway? Why are they brown? Anyone? Anyone? Ah. You were making a video for YouTube. You've got my attention, go on...
You need an outfit for the dance and you'll cry if you can't go? Got it. Who is the boy? There's no boy? Uh huh. Hey Mikey! Who is the boy she isn't telling me about? Oohhhh. I know him. He's cute. No dance for you chica. Dancing requires honesty. Best of luck for next time.
You need the printer for what? To make fliers for Friday? What's Friday? Our game night, yes. Wait?!? No! You can not pass out fliers to the entire high school, inviting them to our game night. Do you not know how small our house is? Please, just NO!
Yes I really did throw your phone away. Well, first I dunked it in the sink of soapy water and then I threw it away. Listen, when you want to show respect for me, our family, and my property.. we will try again. Or not. Your tablet might be next for a bubble bath.
If I throw up and run off this road, we are all gonna die and it'll be all your feet's fault! Put your cleats back on! Hurry!! Dear goodness when was the last time you washed them? I'm pulling over. I'm gonna hurl.
Look, let's be real. I don't like your teacher either. She is the least kid friendly chick on the planet. The thing is..it doesn't matter. I will invite her to dinner, ask her to move in, and make her your godmother if she has to tell me one more time about you not being respectful. Show respect. Period. Deal. It's your only option.
I have bought 170 mechanical pencils this year. Yes I counted! Are you kidding me? They are refillable! Are y'all throwing them away? No? No they don't sneak out of your backpack at night!!! If they were sneaking out together they'd be mating and multiplying! I'm not buying any more! Figure it out kiddo. I'm so done.
You cannot tell that boy your sister loves him. Just no! Because I said so and not only am I always right, I'm also always in charge, always wiser than you, always gonna be the boss. Yes I will haunt you from my grave to remind you I'm boss. My headstone will simply say "She was right. All of the time." The headstone man won't let you write anything else because I SAID SO!
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