Mama Says: Post 3 - "Cake mix is not pudding. I repeat - cake mix is not pudding" and other quotes

This is the third post in the series where I share the ridiculous things I find myself saying these days. We have 6 kids at home right  now from 10-20 years old and they make me say the craziest things...

I'm not gonna lie. I did not fold those towels in love. I folded them in anger. Those towels are angry folded towels. It's been a long day and this mama is done.

Do not lick your brother's feet. Just because. Be more creative in finding ways to annoy people, and maybe slightly less gross?

I was making your bed and I found 7 shirts, 4 pairs of underwear, 2 pairs of socks and 5 pairs of shorts. Are you packing for a cruise and using your bed for a suitcase? Do you want to borrow my suitcase so that your sheets will fit better?

Here is a simple rule to remember. Do not lie with the same mouth that you praise Jesus with. To help you remember, go write that 100 times.

I found this shirt outside. You're usually the one who takes his clothes off outside. Can I assume it's yours?

When I said you could lick the bowl, I meant AFTER I was done. Cake mix is not pudding. I repeat - cake mix is not pudding. 

Did you really ask the singer in the band if Canadians poop more than Americans? Really really? I don't care if you were curious if it was true when your friend said it. Google it. Don't go up to stages and ask people. Gross!

What the heck is a "sleeveless tablecloth shirt"? What? Ummm baby those are called flannel shirts. Huh? True. You could spread them out and they would make a nice picnic tablecloth for one person. Very clever.

Who got up in the middle of the night and ate like 12 cookies?

Why are there wet socks hanging from the ceiling fan? I don't want to know why they're wet. No, really, I don't. Listen, I appreciate you not wasting electricity by not using the dryer, but noooo.

Are you sick sick, or "I don't feel like being in class sick"? Is there a difference? Of course there's a difference!?! Is this like a "gonna puke in the dean's shoes" sick or like "the pretty girl turned me down sick"? Eww. I will be right there.

How is it possible to forget your IPad when it's LITERALLY the only thing you bring to school?

No, I am not waking you up at 5:30am so that you can watch George Lopez. I appreciate that you said please, but no. Because grownups can't handle kids that early in the morning. They turn into ogres who eat their young.

It has been 12 minutes since you ate breakfast. No snacks before lunch, you know that. No we can't have lunch now, either. You're too young to be eating from boredom - shoo!

Do not whip. Do not neigh or nay or new or whatever it is you're trying to do for at least 24 hours. That song is grounded for 24 hours. You're welcome to write a letter of protest.

You should know that our tooth fairy made a new rule that if you don't believe in her, she isn't allowed to pay you for teeth. Also, you need to realize that our tooth fairy is POOR. Like she lives in a trailer park in a dandelion weed, not in a magical forest next to a castle. She gives $2 for a tooth. $20 will never be a thing. Shush. 

Who gave you permission to ride that bike where I can't see you? The is not the Hunger Games so stop trying to offer yourself as tribute to the bad guys and stay in the yard.

Am I serious? Did you really just ask if I was serious? Does this face suggest that I am joking? Make no mistake - I am not, in general, a funny person. I don't joke about being grounded, about money, or about naps. Those aren't things to joke about. In fact, I'm going to nap while you get serious about being grounded.

Why are you hiding in the laundry room? You're right. It is dark and quiet. No, you can stay. Can I hide with you?