Mama Says: Post #4 Putting 3 Donuts Between 2 Pieces of Bread Does Not Make It a Sandwich

That's not naked. That's shirtless. Those are two different words. He took off his shirt because he's overheated. Please do not go around telling people that he is in the front yard naked. That's how rumors start.

Do I look like a professional lollipop holder to you? When I grow up I want to at least be a professional drink holder. The next piece of candy you ask me to hold is getting eaten - you can count on it.

Please don't put balloons in your mouth. Because no. Yes it would be a gross thing to poop out. No I don't think that - if you farted - you could blow up a balloon that way. Ew. Go away.

Because skateboarding down the pedway without an ambulance waiting at the bottom would be inefficient and I can't call them right now. I'm on the phone. You'll have to go do something else. 


Stop putting your feet on people. No, you can't hug people with your feet. No high five feet either. No feet pats, no feet lovies, and no foot parties. Feet are for shoes and for walking. Ew! Those specific feet are for washing. Gross! Go take a shower.

You cannot fart on people to punish them. Because that's not a thing. I know I don't know everything, but trust me that I do know this. Because moms everywhere voted and decided that it can't be a thing.

I don't care if you're trying to make the balloon the same shape as her face. You can't smash her face as an experiment no matter how cool it could be if it worked. That's a good rule in general for life.

From now on, every time you talk back to me it's an automatic 100 points. Umm that's 100 points right there dude. Yep that would be 100, too. Nope not kidding. Congratulations that's 300. Thanks for playing. Move on.

If I have to watch even one more episode of this today I am literally going to sit in a corner and cry. Then I'm to bury the remote so deeply that televisions will be extinct before you can find it again. You're right, Jesus will probably come back first. No there are NOT televisions in heaven. God is not Santa Claus and he isn't there to take your wish list. Also, for the record? God doesn't want to watch this show anymore today, either.

You want a stuffed Tinkerbell? Why? What are you going to do to her? Never mind. I don't actually want to know. No fairies are getting harmed in this house and you can't date Tinkerbell sooooooo no.

We don't talk about that with each other. Sex talks are not supposed to be in front of little sisters anyhow. If you have questions ask a grownup. No I am not explaining what a whore is right now. No, not that word either.

Putting 3 donuts between 2 pieces of bread does not make it a sandwich. When I said find a real snack I meant actual real food - the kind that helps you grow, not the kind that will create a sugar high that we will both regret.

What exactly are you doing? Nothing? Really? You have a fishing pole with a big round hoop on the end aimed at your sister. She is not a fish or a horse. You can't catch her or lasso her or whatever you're trying to do. No I am not trading her for a horse. What do you mean you're serious? That's mean. Go inside and be nice.

A rake is not a light saber and my broom is not a sword. Yep, super proud that you saved the age old question of which is mightier - light sabers win!! Congratulations!
You've won a chance to owe me a new broom!

You have to eat breakfast before church. No, you can't count eating 10 peppermints from the coffee counter as breakfast. Real food. Real actual food. Real food matters. Yep, that would make a good hashtag. Why don't you make a real breakfast and post a photo of it on Instagram with your new hashtag. Start a trend. Hashtag Obey your mom. Hashtag real food matters.