Mama Says: Post 6 - The Sketchiest Contraption In The History of Bad Ideas

You want to walk to and hang out alone at the library with a boy I've never met? I won't let you walk to the end of the street, child. You know that. I don't care that his parents think its okay. You're 10! Just because they're crazy doesn't mean I am! 10! No boys. No walking. No alone. No way.

There are 426 perler beads on the living room floor. Are you making a carpet mural? No? Then it's probably time for someone besides me to get on their knees and pick them up. No! You cannot iron them together on the carpet to make it easier!

Where is my broom? My mop? Wait. Why are they with the rake and the snow shovel? Rails? What are rails?!?! Skateboard rails? No I don't have some blocks to make the rails higher! What are you using now? This is the sketchiest contraption in the history of bad ideas!

You want to invite 4 boys and 6 girls to our house for a sleeover AND you want to do a scary movie marathon. For 10 year olds. Either you're young enough to think there's nothing wrong with boys sleeping over at a girls house OR you're old enough to watch scary movies. You can't be both.

Why was there a boy in your room? Was he rescuing you from the boogey man or a fire breathing dragon?  Uh huh. No. No boys - not now, not ever. Am I kidding? I'm sorry, have you met me? Do I have a habit of joking when my face looks like this?

What were you doing on the computer just now. NTI work? Are you sure? The whole time? You're sure. So Mrs. P assigned 42 minutes of looking up Hunger Games merchandise on Amazon? Do you want to plead guilty of lying to me or to her? You're gonna have to pick one, chica.

It's 1:45 on a school night. Why are you awake? What are you doing with that phone? Ok. I'm super glad you're using it as a flashlight to read your book and you're not on social media but the answer is still no. Have you lost your mind? Peeta will still be there in the pages tomorrow. Go to sleep. NOW.

*Knocking on the wall between the bathrooms* What was that insanely loud crash in the bathroom? Are you okay? Are you hurt? I don't have time for you to die in the bathtub. I'm trying to poop over here! It's the first time I've sat down all day!

You know we said no dating. This family will be courting only. Period. If you meet your future wife in the 8th grade, feel free to hold it over me until I'm 85 and say "I told you so" at every family dinner - forever. In the meantime, dating leads to unnecessary heart ache. Go make some friends - the kind you don't make out with.

Today at 4:30 I have to be at work. I also have to pick up Kiersten from school at that moment. Oh, and drop off Mikey at Lacrosse- in a different town. All at precisely 4:30. I do not have time for drama, to pick up your buddy, or to bring you a polar pop. Not that I'm buying any of you a car, but I can't wait til you're all old enough to drive.

Because he's your brother, that's why. Even if he tortures you, teases you, posts embarrassing videos of you on youtube, and eats your cookies when you're sleeping, he's your brother. He loves you even if he's never said it and even if you never believe it.

What is this? Are you starting a fort in the driveway? No? It's a ramp? A ramp for remote control cars I hope. That wouldn't hold the weight of a furby in a Barbie car! Ok. I will watch you prove me wrong but if you break more than just your ramp you better hurry. I'd have to take you to the hospital before I leave for c-group and I don't want to be late again.

This report card isn't even close to acceptable. No, I don't think you can stage a protest about grades being inhumane and I don't think homeschooling will necessarily give you better grades. Lets be honest. Do you really want me to be your teacher? I give you two weeks before you'd be begging Coach Graves for another chance. I know what you're capable of and would expect it every single day.

No you may not put your tent on the roof. Yes, I know it would be cool to feel like you're on top of the world. Those kinds of adventures will have to be found in books til you get out of college. Hahahahaha nooooooo you'll not be having adventures instead of college. That's the funniest thing I've heard all week. You can practice your stand up comedy while you're in college. That's an option I could live with. Go find something constructive to do.